The Big event.

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They sat oan the bankin' their picnic tae eat
wee Jimmy jist dreamin' an' danglin' his feet
wishin' the monster wid jump oot' the atter,
A photo oh her wid make Jimmies purse fatter.


"Here a sauny" his ma said, "Sit up" saud his paw,
he pulled himsel' roon when his ma' said "Don't fa".
Then oot oh the watter wi'ott by yer leave
leapt Nessie awe drippin' fae hivin' tae heave.


"Hiv' ye goar ony muffins?" the big monster said
Ah aye like tae munch wan when ah'm in ma bed"
Paw shouted "Jesus" ma' fell in a swoon,
Jimmie grabbed his auld brownie, went click, click, zoom, zoom.


"Ah strongly object tae ma picture bein' taken".
said Nessie awe huffy "It case frustration
tae wan such as me ah don't like tae be seen,
If ah'm no at ma' best an' ma tails awe askew
an' a've jist hud a really bad bout oh the flu.


Kin ye no uneastaun' that folk hiv' tae git feared.
See me at ma' scariest then disappear.
There's nae money fur locals if tourists don't come
an' if there's nae money ah'm oot' oan ma bum'.
So gie me that camera or take oot the spool
fur a freindly auld Nessie is no in the rules,
but ah'll make ye a deal if ye feed me right noo,
fill ma starvin' belly wi' food an' wi brew.


Ah'll psoe fur ye fiery, oot there oan the loch.
Ah've even a tape where ye hear a pibroch
but you must tell the tourist that you've seen me here,
make shair they come back tae take photy's an' stare
then ah kin stay under the loch at ma lesiure
ah bob up an' doon when ah like fur their pleasure.


Weel that's whit we did ona that fine summers day.
Ah goat ma money an' she goat tae play.
But if ever ye picnic when Loch Ness is quiet
Jist watch oot' fur Nessie if she's aff her diet.


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